


‘As soon as I find out who I am, you’ll be the first to know.’

by Emma_Oz



Category: The A-Team - All Media Types
Genre: Face's dysfunctional childhood, M/M, Murdock's craziness, Soul Bond, soul marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 12:46:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14894889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_Oz/pseuds/Emma_Oz
Summary: Abstract: In a world where every adult has a set soul mark, Face’s mark is mutable and kind of crazy.Warning: Face has internalised slut shame that I attempt to describe not prescribe.





	‘As soon as I find out who I am, you’ll be the first to know.’

Face had worn a band over this wrist since he joined the army. 

Up until then he had been hoping things would settle down. Most people’s soul bonds settled around twelve or thirteen, and for a while it has seemed like his was going to settle early. He’d watched as the word HOLLACE slowly appeared, becoming darker and more certain over the months until he started receiving congratulations.

HOLLACE was neatly written, with a flourish at the end of the H that he liked. It was printed in black, nice and easy to read.

And then, overnight, HOLLACE vanished. And was replaced by over the next few weeks with DOLORES. The letters were blue and pretty, though shakily written and Face tried to adapt to it. At least DOLORES was a girl’s name, which made the nuns happier.

Sister Maria Incarnate was particularly pleased. ‘It reminds us of Mary of the sorrows,’ she said, ‘Maria de los Dolores. I will say a particular prayer to her tonight for you.’

Face thought DOLORES sounded pretty when she said it like that. He was looking forward to meeting her. 

But then – SAM I AM. Like Dr Seuss. And before the day was out WILL I AM, written in red. Face took one last look before light’s out in the dorms and saw WHO AM I in big straggly letters. He hadn’t slept til dawn. 

The next day, and for many days afterwards, his mark told the world that AZAZEL was his soul mate. The letters got thicker and darker until it was just a black blob. Sister Peter noticed when caning his hand, and the disbelieving flicker of her eyes made him shiver. 

After a week of staring at the dark mess on his wrist, Face tried asking Father James. He was quite young and not as uncool as most priests. ‘I am afraid I don’t know,’ he’d said. ‘I’ve never heard of anything like it.’

‘There’s an Azazel in the bible, isn’t there?’ Face asked in desperation, ‘Maybe it’s a kind of message.’

‘Azazel is the scapegoat sent into the desert to carry our sins away,’ Father James said. ‘And, of course, there is the other Azazel who is a fallen angel.’

Face tried not to show his shock.

‘I will pray for you,’ Father James said, which was something Face was hearing a lot now that his soul mark had apparently gone haywire. 

***

By the time he was fourteen, most of the other kids his age had their settled marks. In Face’s opinion some of them were just dumb. Anna’s read GOD. Face would rather cut his hand off than take holy orders. 

If he kept his hands in his pockets, it wasn’t because he was ashamed. It was just an urge to protect the cascading names from the eyes of the world. 

Sometimes it read BRENNAN, with each letter clear and straight.

The letters for AZURE ran forward quickly, like they were leaping onto his skin. They would leave just as quickly. 

Every now and then HOLLACE came back, sometimes for as long as a week or so. But often words scrolled across his wrist over a period of minutes – ALEDA – ZILLAH – DUGAL. 

One of the new kids in the dorm looked askance. ‘It’s a bit weird that it’s both girl and boy names, isn’t it?’

Everyone knew that most kids had an opposite sex bond, but – whether the Pope liked it or not – sometimes a person would turn up with the name of someone the same sex as them and the Nuns would spend a lot of time reminding them that some bonds are platonic. That was about as outré as it got in a Catholic orphanage. 

Face bluffed. ‘Maybe in small town,’ he said, ‘Here in the big city anything is possible.’

He really hoped the new guy was adopted soon, because he was clearly an ass. In the mean time, Face dedicated considerable time to shortsheeting the little twerp every night.

Each of his soul bonds was special, and it was perplexing that the mark would not settle, that it instead flitted from person to person. He wondered if his name was ever on anyone’s mark, and whether it would be forever or just for a while.

***

For a long while – the year he was fifteen and working on football and making time with cheerleaders – his wrist just showed random symbols from no language he recognised. Sometimes they would be quite pretty shapes, swirling lines and circles, but not like anything he could find in any of the books in the library.

He was starting to figure that his mark was never going to settle. Which was something he had never heard of, and not exactly a situation you could take to a nun. 

He did mention it to Father James but he just gave him ten Hail Marys to ‘focus his mind on monogamy’. That didn’t make any difference to his mark and it did lead him to looking up famously non-monogamous people in the dictionary. 

It turned out that Mata Hari was rumoured to have had the ability to change her mark at will, but he did not see how that was relevant. It wasn’t like he had any control over his at all.

And Casanova’s said LOVE which was probably why he called all his chicks ‘Mi Amore’, but, again, had nothing to do with Face’s situation. 

Cleopatra’s was a mystery, apparently written in some hieroglyphs that the Romans hadn’t been able to decipher. Face felt like he’d learned something about the seedier side of history, but he still didn’t understand his own bond. 

***

When he was sixteen he was keen on a sweet girl with a ponytail called Agnes. She seemed to like him, giggled at his jokes and watched his showing off in class, but she would not even let him hold her hand. ‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘But you don’t seem like you are ready to settle down.’

Face opened his mouth to argue but her eyes were on his wrist where HARDWIN – GERTRUDE – SKY were chasing each other around in a circle. 

When he complained about it later in the dorms, the boy in the bed next to him rolled his eyes. ‘What do you expect? Your bond is kind of fucked up.’

Face glared at him. ‘Take that back.’

One of the older boys threw a towel at him. ‘Don’t be rude. It’s not his fault his bond is – open.’

After lights out, Face was settling down to some quality time his dick and the name ADLER written across his palm when the idiot in the next bed whispered to him. ‘Open means being a bisexual slut.’

Face knew it was true but he still jumped out of bed and punched him. 

***

Seventeen was a good year. He was costing through school accompanied by HOLLACE and MIREILLE and JOY, all of them written in bright colours. 

Leslie pointed out that he got a lot of bird names, RAVEN and ROBIN and HAWK, often accompanied by little zoom marks. One of the things he loved about her was that she was actually willing to talk about his mark rather than ignoring it politely. 

‘Perhaps they all like to go fast,’ she suggested, ‘Like you with your obsession with fast cars.’

‘Not just fast cars, cool cars,’ he laughed. But still, it was nice to think that his soul bonds had something in common with him.

Face was fond of every one of them. Even the occasional HETH and MORTICIA, always written in gothic font and dramatic black, were familiar companions.

And, after all, it wasn’t their fault that there was something about him that meant that even his bond didn’t come through right. 

***

By the time he was eighteen, out of the orphanage and into the recruiting office, his changeable mark had become a distraction. It was the only thing most people saw when they looked at him, and it made it hard to smooth talk folks busy judging him for his slutty mark. 

So he put on the regulation army band like the rest of the recruits and there was no need for anyone to know how mutable his bond was.

He checked it pretty regularly, at least a couple of times a day. He didn’t want for a name to change and him to miss it. His wrist was pale from being hidden so the letters showed up all the more clearly – DOYLE – WILLIAM – HOLLACE. They scrolled across his wrist like advertising copy across a movie screen. 

Face was the only person he knew, had ever heard of, with a broken soul bond. 

***

At least Face as better off than Murdock who didn’t have a soul mark at all. Face figured that if it had been him he would have worn a band anyway, just to give a front of normality. Of course, Murdock was always a long way away from normal.

But when BA called him on it, Murdock insisted he did. 

‘Look,’ he said, hopping on one leg and tugging at his boot.

‘Do not be taking your clothes off!’ BA protested.

Murdock ignored him and pulled one boot off. ‘No, really, it’s just in a weird place.’

‘Don’t say it,’ Hannibal called out as he ambled over.

‘You’re weird,’ BA muttered. 

‘See!’ Murdock lifted up one long leg. Along the bottom of his bony foot, printed neatly, were the letters TEMPLETON.

‘I told you so!’ Murdock smiled happily at Face.

****

After Face had shouted incoherently for a few minutes, Hannibal intervened. He had BA drag a reluctant Murdock into the next room, and Hannibal sat Face down at the table. ‘You know he didn’t mean any harm,’ he said. ‘You know he – thinks differently to most people.’

‘It’s not like it was John or Sam. Templeton’s a pretty fucking specific name, Hannibal. Why would he not tell me?’

‘Maybe it has something to do with that weird look you get when you check your mark.’

Face was about to object when Hannibal made a face like he was constipated and felt sad about it. ‘Like that.’

Face was so angry that he ripped his guard off. ‘Because it’s fucking broken!’

He waved his arm in front of Hannibal. The names on his wrist were swapping very second or so between FELIX and SETH. Hannibal’s usual expression of aloof thoughtfulness faltered. ‘It does that all the time?’

Face fought the urge to cover it with his hand. ‘Varies,’ he said, ‘Sometimes a couple of weeks with one, sometimes no name at all.’

In the following silence Face could hear BA berating Murdock in the other room. ‘Don’t you know what you’ve done?’ BA shouted.

The letters on his wrist shivered and rearranged themselves to form REPENTANCE in grey capitals. Face touched it gently.

‘Has it always been like this?’ Hannibal asked, which is not the direction Face thought the conversation was going to take.

‘It seemed like it settled when I was a kid,’ he answered awkwardly, ‘And then it started flipping. I figure because – you know – because of something about me. Because I get about.’

‘It’s like your mark is crazy.’ Hannibal paused. Then he put on his I-have-a-plan face and shouted, ‘Get in here, boys.’

Murdock crept into the room with considerably less verve than he usually displayed. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered. 

Face suddenly felt tired rather than angry. ‘S’okay. Don’t do it again.’

‘Murdock, Face has a crazy soul mark,’ Hannibal began. Face rolled his eyes, because way-to-sugar-coat-it, Hannibal.

Hannibal continued. ‘And you know a lot about crazy. When did you have your first break down?’ 

Murdock blinked. ‘Year I was seventeen.’

‘And you’re four years older than Face,’ Hannibal prompted. 

Suddenly Face was on the jazz too and he could see where Hannibal was going. ‘May seventeenth?’ he suggested.

‘Yes,’ agreed Murdock, ‘Sent me upstate to the funny farm.’

‘That’s when my mark started flipping. Before that it said HOLLACE.’

Murdock’s face lit up. ‘That’s me, Hollace M.’

Murdock looked at his naked wrist and REPENTANCE slid off. ‘Is it… is it me?’

Big purple letters covered Face’s arm, from the palm almost to his elbow, reading HOPE.

Face stepped forward and kissed him. 

The two stared intently his wrist which showed no names at all for a moment. Then it lit up with a whirl of colours like fireworks. Face only stopped staring at it in delight when Murdock pulled him closer for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around Murdock, with his beautiful mark showing an ever-changing series of firework explosions.

**Author's Note:**

> 1, Note about the title - This is how Murdock introduces himself in the Season 3 episode, ‘The Bells of St Marys’.
> 
> 2, Technically, HM’s mark should read ALVIN instead of TEMPLETON, given that that is Face’s birth name. But ALVIN is even more ridiculous than Templeton, so I couldn’t.
> 
> 3, If you are wondering, Hannibal’s soul mark reads SERVICE and BA is patiently waiting to meet the ALICIA named in his mark.
> 
> 4, HM was named after General ‘Howling Mad’ Smith who revolutionised the American amphibian forces during World War II. (Incidentally, this sounds like he trained frogs to fire guns.)
> 
> 5, Name meanings -
> 
>  
> 
> Adler – German, meaning eagle.
> 
> Aleda – English, meaning winged.
> 
> Azazel – Hebrew, meaning scapegoat, fallen spirit.
> 
> Azure – English, meaning sky blue.
> 
> Brennan – Irish, meaning sorrowful.
> 
> Dolores – Latin, meaning sorrows.
> 
> Doyle – Irish, meaning dark stranger. 
> 
> Dugal – Irish, meaning dark stranger. 
> 
> Felix – Latin, meaning happiness. 
> 
> Gertrude – German, meaning adored warrior.
> 
> Hardwin – English, meaning courageous friend.
> 
> Hawk – English, meaning hawk.
> 
> Heth – Indian, meaning fear or trembling.
> 
> Hollace – English, meaning woodland. In medieval English, ‘wod’ meant mad.
> 
> Hope – English, meaning hope. 
> 
> Joy – English, meaning joy.
> 
> Mireille – French, meaning miracle. 
> 
> Morticia – Latin, meaning undertaker. Like in The Addams Family.
> 
> Raven – English, meaning a person dark like a raven.
> 
> Repentance – English, meaning repentance. 
> 
> Robin – English, meaning robin.
> 
> Seth – Egyptian, meaning confusion. 
> 
> Sky – English, meaning sky.
> 
> Templeton – English, meaning town with a temple. 
> 
> William – German, meaning resolute protector.
> 
> Zillah – Hebrew, meaning shadow.


End file.
